I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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