I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
