do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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