Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
its not stalking. its research.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
