I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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