My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Randomize
