i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
