I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
