Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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