mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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