If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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