Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I understand Curling. That high.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
