You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
