Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
there is glitter all over my balls
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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