Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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