Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
