Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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