he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
