i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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