I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
