Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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