You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
this boner is exhausting
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
