We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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