he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize