I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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