Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
did i walk over a car last night?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
