Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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