My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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