Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
