last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.