You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright