Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.