I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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