i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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