I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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