you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
