Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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