life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
