Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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