We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
