I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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