Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
