He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
