we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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