i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
