I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
His nipple licking is glorious
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
