She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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