"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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