My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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