That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
please come you make the beer taste better
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Send help, water and tortillas.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize
