I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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