Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
