There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
