I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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