You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
