just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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