I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
