the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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