Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Panties = found
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
