just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
