We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
NoShamevember. You game?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
