Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
